Sorry I have been absent the past week. My little one came down with quite the virus, so instead of writing, I was disinfecting. Being a mommy is hard! I know I am not saying anything new to anyone who has been giving the title of “Mom”. Last week really did test me though. I love all the extra cuddles, and quiet days, I do not love the no sleep, the whines, the not eating, the constant worrying. Sick toddlers are NO FUN, sick toddlers when you still have older kids who need attention, and things to, almost impossible. We made it through though, we always do.
Do you ever feel like some days you are never going to dig yourself out? The day is just long, and your to-do list is even longer, and you kind of are just walking around in circles holding on by a thread. It is on those days that I really have to just take a breath and really look at what I have. It is so easy to get caught up in what you aren’t doing, and forget to be thankful for what you are doing.
Mom guilt is a thing, and it is not talked about enough. In a world where woman are supposed to “do it all”, and be judged for every little mistake, it is harder now more then ever to feel like you are doing anything right. When you are cuddling your sick toddler, and know that your kitchen is a disaster, mom guilt. When your older son needs help studying for his constitution test, but dinner needs to be cooked, and a toddler is screaming at your legs, mom guilt. When you haven’t folded or touched the laundry in over a week because sick toddler refuses to nap without you, mom guilt. When you haven’t slept in days because your nights are being spent in a steam shower so you nap instead of writing an amazing blog post people have been looking for, mom guilt.Well, that was just some of it for me the past week. It can be so hard sometimes that we feel like we are stretched in so many different directions, and all we want is to pee alone. I get it, all moms get it, so when that mom guilt hits you, reach out to a fellow mom for a coffee or a chat. It will help you understand that we are all in this together. If you do not have a mom friend to reach out to, always feel free to reach out to me! I have no qualms on how imperfect I am sometimes, I promise I will make you feel better about yourself LOL.
The other night I was sitting up with the little guy, watching his breathing just to make sure his cold isn’t turning into something worse, when I just had this overwhelming panic attack on everything. It honestly just hit me hard. This time of year in itself is not easy for me, as everyone knows we are coming up to the anniversary of Nico passing away, so I struggle as is. With a sick baby, and a house to still run, and a very busy hard working husband who can’t pitch in like he normally does, it was just my breaking point. So, I just started to pray.
I just broke down and started praying for everything. I know that panic attack was actually God saying “Give it all to me”. Give me all of your worries, and your negativity, give me your doubts, and your concerns, give me the weight you are carrying. I will take care of it for you if you fully trust, and give it all to me. In typical Lindsey fashion I just simply said “No, I’m fine God, no worries, let me just pray a little before I fully loose it”. Obviously that wasn’t enough, sooooo I gave in and just said “Here God, take it!” As soon as I just let it all go, I got instantly calm. It was like God’s hand was on my shoulder just telling me everything is going to be okay. The next morning little man woke up, happy, fever free, and ready to go. The dishes eventually got done, my son still learned his amendments, the laundry got washed. It all came together. It all worked out once I just took a breath and let all the guilt go.
Do you ever feel like you are just being buried. That you are lying in a ditch and life is the soil and it is just slowly covering you up. With every little battle you are slowly suffocating. It is okay to feel that way. Especially in this day and age. I feel like a broken record sometimes when I talk about social media, but in today’s time it is so easy to feel like you aren’t enough, because the person under the filter you are following seems to have it all together. I promise you, they don’t. That picture they posted took over 100 takes, some editing, they stared at everything they feel insecure about, edited some more, then finally decided after much deliberating to post it. Then went back and stared at it for another hour, then they just decided to leave it. Everyone has their own struggles, and everyone has their own battles, that is what life is. It is when we take those struggles and we take them head on and get through it, that is what makes life remarkable.
I wrote out my week in my planner on Sunday. I took the time to meal plan for the week, I wrote down my daily work outs, I wrote down my goals for what I want to accomplish with the blog, I mapped out my weekly cleaning schedule. I was ready, I was going to take this week head on. Monday hit, and I didn’t write anything of substance because the toddlers nap was about 30 minutes, and this mom needed an uninterrupted shower. I went to work out, and the toddler wanted to build blocks. I had a list of things that needed to be cleaned off that were neglected the week prior, and we were out of the cleaner I needed. It was one of those moments where I was like, really? Really God? It was in that moment though that he was just telling me to slow down a bit. So I did. I let go of that guilt of wanting to get everything I needed to do, and just enjoyed my day with a finally healthy little guy. We can get so frustrated at small defeats that we tend to miss the big picture. The big picture is what is best for us, what HE has planned for us. Wouldn’t it be great if God filled out our weekly planner? Everyday you have a schedule of what God intends for your life. That would make things so much easier. Unfortunately, we have to take it upon ourselves to plan out our daily lives, and it is up to us on how we handle the small defeats, but we are not alone while getting through them. When the weight of the world is a little heavier, lift up those feelings to God, and let him handle that.
One of my favorite quotes is: “Sometimes we wonder while we go through hard times where God is, but always remember, a teacher is always silent during the test”.
They are there, supporting you, but sometimes you need to pick your own answers. But, when you make a mistake, they are there to help teach you to correct them. God is the teacher in our classroom of life, and even if you feel like he is being silent, he is just letting your finish the test.
There are so many of God’s promises throughout the bible that talk about being overwhelmed, and all of them tell us to give those feelings up to him, because he is there for us. It is important to remember those promises during hard times, because we are not in this alone. Some days it may feel like it, and that panic hits you, and when that happens just take a breath. Remember that you are an amazing human, you were made just the way you were made for a reason. You are going through what you are going through for a reason. God has his planner written out for us, we just don’t always understand the tasks, even if it is something as simple of running out of cleaner, to something as complex as loosing someone you love.
I included a list of some of my favorite promises about being overwhelmed the bible gave us for the days you feel like you need a little extra encouragement:
*From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2
*When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. Psalm 142:3
*Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. Isaiah 40:28
*But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
*Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. John 14:1
*There is none holy like the LORD: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. For there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God. I Samuel 2:2
*The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7
*Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5
*The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way;Psalm 37:23
*Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Eph. 6:10
Remember, when you feel like you are getting buried by life, every seed gets put in the ground so that it can grow into something beautiful. When you are having trouble breaking through the surface take a moment and give those troubles to God, pray to God about what you are going through, and take the time to thank him for all the things you do have, even if in the moment it is hard to see. You will be amazed at how quickly you will blossom.
Also, stay off social media, she definitely edited her abs, and her kid is crying in the corner because she gave them the wrong colored cup.
What are some things you are struggling with this week? Maybe it is an illness in the house, or maybe it is feeling unheard? Maybe it is just the winter loneliness we all feel, or something larger that is weighing you down? Always feel free to reach out to me, and we will work through it together!